Meaning is My Maker
Our lives are full of experiences. Some good and some bad. The meaning we give these experiences, rather than the experience itself, is what I have come to realize makes the biggest difference in my life. I can choose a meaning that is negative and fearful, and even play the victim. This can keep me trapped and paralyzed in my circumstances. Or I can step back, look at the bigger picture and ask “what else could this mean and how could this experience help me?” Therefore, the meaning I give to life’s experiences is a choice. There has been no greater example of this then my daughter Megan’s journey from birth through academics and sports towards becoming a Board Certified Athletic Trainer.
Megan’s story begins with a rare and unexplained stroke just hours after she was born. Fear and uncertainty for her future quickly set in. The impact of the stroke also led to learning challenges and poor test taking that would plague her academic journey. With time and effort though, she would overcome most of this with the assistance of my wife who helped her develop her own method of learning with standardized tests remaining her “Achilles heel”. Physically, the stroke had no impact. In fact, Megan was a natural athlete who literally could play anything. She grew a love for basketball and volleyball at an early age but eventually focused just on volleyball. Her commitment both on and off the court earned her a scholarship for college towards what she believed was the perfect career for her: Athletic Training(AT). It seemed the challenges from birth were over and her dream to becoming an AT was beginning…
But life has a way of saying “not so fast” sometimes. Once in college, she would immediately face a series of experiences over the next 5 years that would test her ability to see the bigger picture, challenge the meaning she would choose and resist “becoming a victim” of her circumstances. First, on the second day of preseason freshman year, she would experience a painful and devastating season ending injury which would lead to surgery and missing the season. As an athlete that had never experienced an injury and who had always started, this was both a physical and psychological battle. In addition to crutches, a boot and 6 months of rehab, she had to adjust to a new school, new friends, a new role on her team, sharing a room with a stranger, breaking up with her high school boyfriend and being 3 hours away from home…for the first time. Her dream and the path to it certainly looked different just 1 week into her college journey. We wondered: “what meaning would she give this?”
Next, after the coach that recruited her left unexpectedly, she experienced 2 years of “mental stress” from the replacement coach who was eventually fired. To make things worse, this was all in the middle of a pandemic where she would be further isolated from her friends and team for 10 days in an off campus apartment due to her own case of Covid. Then the final straw…losing both grandparents in 8 months. Stress and anxiety were high for all of us and we wondered: “what meaning would she give these experiences and how would it impact her mindset?”
As the pressure of college graduation approached including finishing her Masters in AT, moving apartments and finding a job like her peers, her accomplishment of a 3.875 GPA would be muted as she failed her first attempt at the Athletic Training Board exam just days before graduation. Panic overcame her, in fact all of us. Not only would she have to wait another 30 days to retake the exam, but this could jeopardize the residency program she was selected for as it was contingent upon her passing the exam. With Megan’s history of poor standardized test taking and minimal insight into what she needed to study better, anxiety was high. Thankfully, there was enough time before her residency started to retake the exam one more time. We wondered: “what meaning would she give this experience and how would she respond?”
After a month of studying a new way thanks to my wife and with Megan’s hardwork, she was ready. As we went to leave the house 1 hour before the 10am exam, she received an email and phone call that the exam had been canceled due to a proctor emergency. Really!?!? To make matters worse, the closest test site was 4 hours away if she still wanted to take the test that day. With tears in her eyes, she said “I cannot wait another 30 days. I want to take the test today. I am ready.” We had 5 hours to get her there…so off we went.
As we made our way through NYC and out to the end of Long Island, traffic was heavy and slowly chipped away at any time cushion we had. Then suddenly out of nowhere, a loud “BANG”. Yes, you guessed it. We had been hit. A careless driver had side swiped us, damaging our vehicle and further increasing her anxiety. At first the driver seemed to hit and run, but the traffic was too heavy and he had to pull over. As I followed him to the shoulder, I blurted out “we don’t have time for this.” Then reminded myself that we were all OK and that the car was still drivable…thankfully, we still had a chance!
As I got back in the car after collecting the driver’s insurance information and taking pictures of the damage, Megan looked at me and said “Dad, this is gonna be a great story!”. We all burst out laughing! It’s a moment I’ll never forget and the inspiration to this message. With 15 minutes to spare, we arrived at the exam site where she completed the test in the allotted time. Yeah! When she came out, the relief was clear on her face. She indicated she felt good about the test but that we wouldn’t know her results for a month. <sigh>
Afterwards, we had dinner and reminisced about her journey over the last 2 decades. What a ride and what a story! We talked about how every experience could have broken her and left her discouraged from continuing on. We talked about how her mindset had fueled her actions towards her goal and “kept her in the game”. We reminded ourselves that the meaning she chose to give to these experiences was really the secret to her success and resilience through it all. Most importantly, that these experiences over the years had made her a stronger person and given her a perspective she otherwise wouldn’t have gotten without challenge. This would influence how she would face future challenges and help her show empathy as an AT for what an athlete goes through when facing the disappointment of injury, verbal abuse and rehab as well as helping them seek a better meaning for the challenging experiences they may have.
Megan won’t get her test results for 30 days (July 1) and although that result is what she has worked for over the last 5 years and is needed to move forward in her career, I can’t help but think that the test result isn’t the most important thing she has learned in her journey so far. In fact, her journey proves it’s not what happened to her that matters. It’s the meaning she chose to give those experiences and the actions she took as a result that has “made” her into to the Athletic Trainer and person she is today.
Looking back, I’ve learned:
- Meaning given to life’s experiences is in my control and my choice.
- Meaning can strengthen or weaken my mindset.
- Meaning can lead me to action or inaction.
- Meaning can push me towards progress or paralysis in my life
- Meaning can lead me to or away from what I want and can become.
Ultimately, Meaning is my maker.
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Update June 28, 2023: The results are in…she passed! I cannot wait to see what comes next!