For 20 years I have listened to Tony Robbins. His wisdom, insight and passion to help others is inspiring. There is no doubt, he has had a significant impact on my life, my mindset and the man I am today. One of the most impactful things he said wasn’t a statement, but rather a series of questions as part of his Date with Destiny commercial found HERE.

“What if problems were always gifts?

What is every single problem, really was a gift in your life?

What if every problem you ever had was life happening for you, not to you.

What if everything in our lives is guided?

What if everything in our lives was divine timing…everything, even the pain?

Wait. Read those again. I had too also. In fact, many, many, many times and I still do to this day. For some reason it didn’t sink in the first 10 times. But after deep reflection on this these 5 simple questions, the meaning of a problem or “storm” has shifted for me. Now I am inclined first to believe the storm is happening “for” me and not “to” me. This allows me to stay open minded, centered, curious and hopeful that good can come from it. It positions me to look for the opportunity to learn, be less reactive and more reflective on where the opportunity for growth lies within this experience. Today’s experience while mowing my lawn once again reminded me that life happens for me, not to me.

You see, it was one of those weeks when everything goes wrong. Frustrated, stressed and anxious I began to overreact each time something happened. “So much for life happening for me,” I lamented. Finally, I snapped, or should I say the mower’s drive belt snapped.

“What? Already? Bob just fixed that last year”, I gasped!

“Hey Bob, looks like the new drive belt you put on last fall snapped,” insinuating it was his fault. “Makes no sense. When can you take a look?”, I demanded.

“Oh, wow. That’s not good. Unfortunately, I am unable to work on it until 10/18. Call me.” Bob promptly replied.

After 30 minutes of troubleshooting over the phone and Bob expertly handling my frustration and impatience, we agreed I would order the part and he would somehow squeeze me in before he left for his trip. Less than a week later, Bob would call and stop over to pick up the tractor for repair as promised.

“Hey Bob, thanks for coming,” my tone grateful and apologetic. “Sorry, I was frustrated. It was one of the weeks,” I said embarrassed. Bob quickly accepted my apology and moved on.

After making small talk while loading the tractor I asked, “So where are you traveling to in October?

“Headed to Hawaii to watch my blind daughter, Megan compete in the Ironman World Championship in Hawaii, “ he said beaming with pride.

My jaw dropped. “Wait, what? Your daughter is doing the hardest Ironman of all and she is blind?”

“Yeah.” Bob said with a big smile.

Over the next 30 minutes, I would learn of his daughter Megan’s incredible journey from being diagnosed with a rare inherited eye disorder called Leber congenital amaurosis at roughly the age of 2 to driving awareness and improved services for those with eye disorders in her school, college and in the community. As a triathlete at the Ironman competition, her goal is to bring awareness and educate the community on participants with disabilities.  Simply amazing  and inspiring! Her story HERE:

I walked around in a daze for the remainder of the day, my head spinning as I thought of this story and how many, including myself, wouldn’t have seen Megan’s circumstance as an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. I reflected on how Bob, his family and Megan’s strength embodied what Tony was talking about. That life happens for us. That problems are gifts. And that even life’s pain can be guided if we would only embrace it.

Today changed me. Not only was I reminded that life happens for me, but also that life’s greatest gifts sometimes begin with a “broken belt”.

Please consider supporting Megan and her family as she embarks on an incredible journey on October 14, 2023 to inspire, raise awareness and show us all that anything is possible when we believe that life happens for us, not too us. Click HERE to donate.

Careers come in all shapes and sizes. At times, they meander like a country road and at other times they go straight to the moon. Discerning when to meander or launch is not an exact science and I believe that’s exactly how it is supposed to be. To me, there isn’t one template, blueprint, or single way of building a career. For example, I started as a Psychology major, graduated with a Finance degree, worked as a Director of Operations for an Investment Advisor for eight years, a Process/Quality Black Belt for three years, a Program Leader for Cyber for nine years, a Product Manager for IT Planning platform for 10+ years – most recently volunteering as a Resilience Mentor. As my career “meandered” through the various roles and functions, I have realized that one size doesn’t fit all and that each experience has become a piece of who I am as a person and leader. Therefore, I have concluded that whether it’s time to meander or launch, the guiding principles below have helped direct my steps and choices:

1. It’s my “puzzle” = Accountability:  Our careers are comprised of many “pieces” like a puzzle. Owning these pieces and accepting that sometimes they don’t fit together initially, reminds me that they are still part of a bigger puzzle that will reveal itself.
2. Personal Clarity = Career Clarity: I have found during my life that the more personal clarity I have around who I am, what I want and why I want it has greatly helped bring career clarity when considering other roles. Aligning my personal values with my professional goals minimizes incongruent pursuits motivated by the wrong things.
3. Turn Left to Turn Right = Seek Growth: Sometimes growth comes from unexpected places, experiences, and actions. Just like steering into a skid to straighten a vehicle, intellectually it doesn’t make sense. Yet by recognizing that the growth we seek doesn’t always come from the obvious action, we are able to have faith and steer in the direction necessary.
4. Connect the “dots” = Value/Impact: How we spend our time matters. Having an awareness of the value and impact of our actions helps us make appropriate progress and ensures we are focused on the right things both personally and professionally.
5. Get a Mentor = Humility: We all can benefit from help. In fact, asking for helping and humbling myself has been the single greatest action I have ever taken. Traveling the road of life alone is not needed or recommended. Ask for help when needed and help others if asked.
6. Put People First = Servant Leadership: Leading with “service to others” in mind changes everything. It brings patience, understanding, empathy, and most of all trust from our teams. In addition, no greater action has brought more fulfillment in my life then helping others.

What has helped you steer your career… whether down a country road or straight to the moon?

Our lives are full of experiences. Some good and some bad. The meaning we give these experiences, rather than the experience itself, is what I have come to realize makes the biggest difference in my life. I can choose a meaning that is negative and fearful, and even play the victim. This can keep me trapped and paralyzed in my circumstances. Or I can step back, look at the bigger picture and ask “what else could this mean and how could this experience help me?”  Therefore, the meaning I give to life’s experiences is a choice. There has been no greater example of this then my daughter Megan’s journey from birth through academics and sports towards becoming a Board Certified Athletic Trainer. 

Megan’s story begins with a rare and unexplained stroke just hours after she was born. Fear and uncertainty for her future quickly set in. The impact of the stroke also led to learning challenges and poor test taking that would plague her academic journey. With time and effort though, she would overcome most of this with the assistance of my wife who helped her develop her own method of learning with standardized tests remaining her “Achilles heel”. Physically, the stroke had no impact. In fact, Megan was a natural athlete who literally could play anything. She grew a love for basketball and volleyball at an early age but eventually focused just on volleyball. Her commitment both on and off the court earned her a scholarship for college towards what she believed was the perfect career for her: Athletic Training(AT). It seemed the challenges from birth were over and her dream to becoming an AT was beginning…

But life has a way of saying “not so fast” sometimes. Once in college, she would immediately face a series of experiences over the next 5 years that would test her ability to see the bigger picture, challenge the meaning she would choose and resist “becoming a victim” of her circumstances. First, on the second day of preseason freshman year, she would experience a painful and devastating season ending injury which would lead to surgery and missing the season. As an athlete that had never experienced an injury and who had always started, this was both a physical and psychological battle.  In addition to crutches, a boot and 6 months of rehab, she had to adjust to a new school, new friends, a new role on her team, sharing a room with a stranger, breaking up with her high school boyfriend and being 3 hours away from home…for the first time. Her dream and the path to it certainly looked different just 1 week into her college journey. We wondered: “what meaning would she give this?”

Next, after the coach that recruited her left unexpectedly, she experienced 2 years of verbal abuse and bullying behavior from the replacement coach who was eventually fired. To make things worse, this was all in the middle of a pandemic where she would be further isolated from her friends and team for 10 days in an off campus apartment due to her own case of Covid. Then the final straw…losing both grandparents in 8 months. Stress and anxiety were high for all of us and we wondered: “what meaning would she give these experiences and how would it impact her mindset?”

As the pressure of college graduation approached including finishing her Masters in AT, moving apartments and finding a job like her peers, her accomplishment of a 3.875 GPA would be muted as she failed her first attempt at the Athletic Training Board exam just days before graduation. Panic overcame her, in fact all of us. Not only would she have to wait another 30 days to retake the exam, but this could jeopardize the residency program she was selected for as it was contingent upon her passing the exam. With Megan’s history of poor standardized test taking and minimal insight into what she needed to study better, anxiety was high.  Thankfully, there was enough time before her residency started to retake the exam one more time. We wondered: “what meaning would she give this experience and how would she respond?”

After a month of studying a new way thanks to my wife and with Megan’s hardwork, she was ready. As we went to leave the house 1 hour before the 10am exam, she received an email and phone call that the exam had been canceled due to a proctor emergency. Really!?!? To make matters worse, the closest test site was 4 hours away if she still wanted to take the test that day. With tears in her eyes, she said “I cannot wait another 30 days. I want to take the test today. I am ready.”  We had 5 hours to get her there…so off we went. 

As we made our way through NYC and out to the end of Long Island, traffic was heavy and slowly chipped away at any time cushion we had. Then suddenly out of nowhere, a loud “BANG”. Yes, you guessed it. We had been hit.  A careless driver had side swiped us, damaging  our vehicle and further increasing her anxiety. At first the driver seemed to hit and run, but the traffic was too heavy and he had to pull over. As I followed him to the shoulder, I blurted out “we don’t have time for this.” Then reminded myself that we were all OK and that the car was still drivable…thankfully, we still had a chance! 

As I got back in the car after collecting the driver’s insurance information and taking pictures of the damage, Megan looked at me and said “Dad, this is gonna be a great story!”. We all burst out laughing! It’s a moment I’ll never forget and the inspiration to this message. With 15 minutes to spare, we arrived at the exam site where she completed the test in the allotted time. Yeah! When she came out, the relief was clear on her face. She indicated she felt good about the test but that we wouldn’t know her results for a month. <sigh>

Afterwards, we had dinner and reminisced about her journey over the last 2 decades. What a ride and what a story! We talked about how every experience could have broken her and left her discouraged from continuing on. We talked about how her mindset had fueled her actions towards her goal and “kept her in the game”.  We reminded ourselves that the meaning she chose to give to these experiences was really the secret to her success and resilience through it all. Most importantly, that these experiences over the years had made her a stronger person and given her a perspective she otherwise wouldn’t have gotten without challenge. This would influence how she would face future challenges and help her show empathy as an AT for what an athlete goes through when facing the disappointment of injury, verbal abuse and rehab as well as helping them seek a better meaning for the challenging experiences they may have. 

Megan won’t get her test results for 30 days (July 1) and although that result is what she has worked for over the last 5 years and is needed to move forward in her career, I can’t  help but think that the test result isn’t the most important thing she has learned in her journey so far.  In fact, her journey proves it’s not what happened to her that matters. It’s the meaning she chose to give those experiences and the actions she took as a result that has “made” her into to the Athletic Trainer and person she is today.

Looking back, I’ve learned: 

• Meaning given to life’s experiences is in my control and my choice. 
• Meaning can strengthen or weaken my mindset.
• Meaning can lead me to action or inaction.
• Meaning can push me towards progress or paralysis in my life
• Meaning can lead me to or away from what I want and can become.

Ultimately, Meaning is my maker.

***********************

Update June 28th: The results are in…she passed! I cannot wait to see what comes next!

I know I have written about this before, but so many of my fondest memories as a child in the 70’s was having a garden. At that time, it was commonplace and we would plant way more than needed so we could can, freeze and store the remaining harvest to eat throughout the Winter and Spring. I can still see the  shelves in the pantry lined with jars of bread and butter pickles, apple butter, corn relish, raspberry preserves(with seeds!) and of course canned tomatoes. That is how we lived and nourished our families.

One of my favoriate memories in the garden was with my dad having a tomato fight. I don’t remember how it started, but the next thing I knew we were throwing small cherry tomato’s at each other. That moment  left a lasting impression on me, not only as father and son but also the role the “tomato” has played in our family. 

You see, the tomato was always at the center of our home. First, since we are 50% Italian, most meals had sauce or as my grandmother Nanny called it “gravy”. Therefore, there were meatballs, sausage, some form of pasta and lots of garlic bread smothered in this delicious vegetable almost daily. In fact, back then, the “gravy” was real and homemade, not from a jar and mom and dad had their version which were both amazing. Sometimes early in the growing season, before they were ripe, slices of green tomatoes would find their way into the frying pan. They were lightly coated in flour along with Nanny’s special seasoning which made them crispy and the bitterness bearable. But for me, once they were ripe, the best way was straight out of the garden like an apple while standing amidst the planted rows. <sigh>

It wasn’t just enjoying the harvest that made them special either. It was the time and care we had taken to plant, support and maintain them as they grew. It all started with digging a hole and burying them deeper then you would expect to give them a good head start. Next, you would carefully remove the “suckers”, which were small unwanted stems that grew out of the “elbows” of the plant. These were thought to suck the energy out of the plant. To this day, I don’t even know if this is true, but it’s what we came to believe. As a final step, to support their growth,  we would take a straight wooden stake, about 4 feet tall and pound it near the base of the plant. Then we  would make handmade cloth strips from old towels and gently tie the plant to the stake to give support during its growth. In the beginning, the stake towered over the tomato plant almost like a parent to a child. This stake and cloth strips would now serve serve as a “guidepost”, ensuring it would grow straight and giving it the support it needed to carry the burdens it encountered and fruit it developed along the way.

Yet no matter how well we tied the tomato plants to the stake, eventually they would find a way to break free and grow into the shape and direction it was destined for…ultimately producing beautiful tomatoes. The stake had served its purpose. It had given the plant a good start and support along the way, but the tomato plants true fate was always in its own hands. 

This analogy came to mind the other day as I thinking about raising our kids: Kids are like tomato plants. When they are young, we teach the proper values and  hope it deeply takes root. We stand along side them from the very beginning, giving them love and support as a human “guidepost”. This helps them “grow up” in the right direction, just like the wooden stake and the young tomato plants. We support and protect them, sometimes too tightly and sometimes when we don’t need to…letting go can even be hard as they grow into their own person. Yet at some point, they must outgrow the security and limitation of the “stake” and our “control”. They must burst through the metaphorical cloth tie and become  what they are meant to be, bringing their own self and “fruit” into the world. 

Thanks Mom and Dad for not only instilling in me a love of tomatoes but for showing me the importance of the “stake” you provided to help me get started, stay on track and eventually burst free to grow my own “tomatoes”. 

Through the mentoring I do, I hear a lot of fear, anxiety, uncertainty and even some bitterness these days. The pandemic, the recession, personal loss or in most cases “life’s struggle” has people questioning their lives, jobs and purpose. They search for clarity, certainty, stability or just another way to think about things. Sometimes this leads to questions about their career and what they should do next. Admittedly, I have had all the same feelings at one time or another in my 30 year career…even in the present day.

As I listen to them, I think…what have I done in the past? How have I managed my career and mindset? What has worked for me? How can I help change their perspective?

So far these are the 5 Questions that have guided my path:

1. Deliver – Am I delivering my best each day, focused on what I can control and treating people how I want to be treated in my current role?

2. Connect – Am I connecting with others and staying both visible and engaged internally and externally in my current area of responsibility and industry?

3. Grow – Am I proactively growing and learning to stay relevant, inspired, resilient and valuable in my role, industry and purpose?

4. Align – Am I aligning my personal and professional goals to minimize any significant disruption to the life I desire?

5. Review – Am I reviewing my blessings each day and avoiding worry?

Life is hard. We all lose our way. We all lose perspective. We all fall into victim thinking when bad things happen…even me. We sometimes blame our career because it is an easy target, when in fact asking a different question might be all we need to see the blessings and opportunities right in front of us. Not only in our career, but in our lives. When I get off track and start to worry, I challenge myself to review these questions. The answers either bring me peace when I can honestly answer “yes” or a reminder that I need to take action and avoid victim thinking.

Sometimes a change is needed in our careers and lives, but often asking a different question is needed first.

This past Sunday, as part of my family’s mission to raise epilepsy awareness, I completed the Mohawk Hudson River Marathon for the 3rd time. This 26.2 mile journey was to honor the 1 in 26 that will be diagnosed with epilepsy and to pay it forward to the great people at the Epilepsy Foundation of Northeastern New York that helped us (and so many) during my son’s diagnosis and miracle recovery in 2010. Their programs and services are vital for the well being of those with epilepsy.

First, many thanks to GE and everyone for helping me EXCEED my “Marathon to End Epilepsy” fundraising goal of $12,600. All proceeds benefit the Epilepsy Foundation of Northeastern NY.

Next, we were blessed with an incredible day in the Northeast including beautiful fall foliage, cheering fans and a crisp 37 degrees at the start which eventually warmed to 65 degrees.

As with most things in life, this would have never been possible without the amazing support of so many:

I am eternally grateful to God for giving me the strength to complete the race and for my family Amy, Megan and Matthew for their love, support and always being my “pit crew”.

Thanks to my nephew Dylan for always being my running partner, and brother-in-law Rich for chauffeuring us at 6:30am each year to the Starting line. Thanks for all the friends and family that met me along the way.

Thanks to my neighbors the Scannell’s for the amazing driveway message congratulating me when I got home on this accomplishment!

Deep appreciation to GE and all of my colleagues who have supported my efforts over the last 10 years, and to the tireless work of the GE Volunteers including Adam, Stacey and Family, Sunil, Rick , Nico and Kishore who arrived at 6:45am on Sunday to manage the Mile 15 Race Aid Station until mid afternoon. The cheering and hugs at this point of this race helped me keep going!

As I reflect, I’ve learned a lot from preparing for and running a few marathons over the years. In fact to me, “life is like a marathon“. This mantra has become a metaphor for how I prepare for the inevitable challenges I will encounter in life and in the race. This includes setting meaningful goals, having a plan, embracing a process, taking “steps” towards what I can control, enlisting the proper “aid” from others and managing my mindset to push myself up the “hills” even when I want to quit. Whether building a life or a preparing for a marathon, both require the same intentionality towards building the resilience necessary to overcome unexpected adversity along the way.

Today, I am left with a little soreness (lol) but ALOT of gratitude…for each of you. For my blessings. For this moment.

Yesterday not only proves that running a marathon is possible but also that when faced with a challenge, anything is possible… including finding a cure for epilepsy.

In the words of the great Ted Lasso… “Believe”.

Always with gratitude and humility,

Derrick

4:30am. The alarm gently wakes me up. I can hear the wind and rain steadily engulf the house. A storm was upon us.

The desire or should I say excuse to rollover was strong. The warmth, safety and certainty of the bed comforted me. The darkness and silence seduced me. Slowly worry of work, family, health and the future invaded my mind, further coercing me to “run and seek shelter” in the blankets, temporarily delaying what the day might bring.

But I had set the alarm for a reason. It was time to get up and run as part of my annual marathon training for my 1 in 26 Epilepsy Fundraiser every October. This commitment and “challenge” (worry too!) lingered in my mind especially as the rain steadily continued. Deep breath…

As I glanced towards the nightstand, I could see the recent birthday gift from my sister Kate… a framed picture of the American Bison. This creature had become a symbol of strength, resilience and courage for us during the last 18 months when we unexpectedly lost both parents. Undoubtedly the hardest challenge and strongest “storm” either of us had ever witnessed.

You see, I have come to learn that a Bison behaves differently when faced with a storm. Instead of running away from the storm and seeking comfort and shelter like most animals, a bison runs towards the storm. It chooses to face the wind, the rain and even the snow with courage in hopes of getting through it more quickly.

This inborn characteristic of the bison has become a metaphor for how Kate and I aspire to face challenges and adversity in our lives now. Facing our fears, challenging our limiting beliefs that cage us and running towards rather than away from “storms”. From this, we have I adopted the mantra when we are sad, lonely, scared or just need the courage to face the “storm” (adversity):

“Be like a Bison”

With that, I got up. Got dressed, put on my running shoes and headed out for my morning run…in the pouring rain. Half way through, the rain stopped, the sky cleared. The run was complete. Just like life… “storms” (challenges) usually pass more quickly when we face them head on.

Today, I faced the “storm”.

Today, I was a Bison….

What will you do?

It’s been at the “center” my entire life.

It’s the sole reason my parents purchased the piece of property it sits on.

It’s come to symbolize faith, family and fortitude.

It’s a rock, and quite a large one.

It sits in the backyard of my childhood home which I now own with my sister after our parents unexpectedly passed.

It’s the place that I run to when I am in need of comfort, perspective and strength. It’s the place that rebuilds me and re-fills my soul in times of uncertainty.

It’s a place of unmatched beauty, peace and serenity. It’s the place I long for and call home.

It’s the place I feel closest to my deceased parents and where I always find God… it’s my own piece of heaven here on earth.

What’s your “rock”?