This post was inspired by a conversation with a colleague on what we have learned from facing so many hurdles with Megan’s metabolism challenges for 10 years.

We have taken so many approaches, worked with so many people. Some worked short term only to fail long term. I have applied many of these techniques, some recently with success. Generally though, it comes down to this which I am sure you already know:

1. Get a Reason…a REALLY Good One – Why do you want be healthier? What happens if you don’t? What are you willing to give up? Who are you really doing this for?
2. Get an Annual Check-up – make sure that your weight isn’t a result of some other health condition… diabetes, thyroid, etc. What does your blood work say? Are you on medication? A health condition could prevent any progress you hope to make.
3. Keep a Food journal – capture what you eat and drink every day for a week…this will give you great insights into what might be sabotaging your progress and where adjustments need to be made
4. Remove Foods that Cause Inflammation – Sugar, Gluten, Caffeine, Alcohol…anything processed ( I know…ouch but you can add these back in later. This is the main reason you need a GOOD “WHY”)
5. Eat Organic – especially green leafy veggies and cruciferous(Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Kale, Spinach) and grass fed meats. I eat very little eggs…when I do, they are cage free, organic.
6. Healthy Fat is GOOD – eat healthy fats…especially Coconut oil, Olive Oil, and Avocados are my favorites!
7. Low Impact, Fun Exercise – I find I cannot workout hard and reduce calories at the same time. Therefore, walk, swim, yoga or light weight lifting for 30 minutes 5 days a week is more than enough. Make it fun with a buddy or you won’t stick to it. Get outside!
8. WATER – drink 50% of your body weight in ounces daily.
9. Nothing after 7pm – don’t eat late at night.
10. Get an Accountability Partner – tell someone your goals and share your progress with them regularly. Weight yourself DAILY at the SAME time…preferably upon rising and communicate/write it down.
11. Self Love – Look in the mirror daily and no matter what the scale says, look into your own eyes and say “I love you, you are enough.”

Keep in mind, everyone is different but many of the above work universally.

As I sit here in the emergency room with my daughter waiting on the results of her CAT scan and reflecting on the scare we are having with her vision, I cannot help but think about how fragile our lives are, how important living in the present is, how blessed my family is to have each other and how fortunate I am to work for a company/team that supports me during these times. Looking around the waiting area, I see so much pain, uncertainty, despair and fear…people held hostage by their health, their age, their choices, and the medical system but more importantly by the meaning they are giving this “challenge”. Regardless of the adversity we each face, managing our mindset and choosing how we respond starts with our own vulnerability, our empathy for others, our gratitude towards our blessings and our intentional self-care(love). This directly influences our perception of our lives and its challenges as well as who we choose to “connect” with as a result…as parents, patients and leaders but most importantly as people during life’s ups and downs.

Today’s ER visit gives me pause and reminds me of a book I recently read by Brene Brown called “Dare to Lead” that dares us to be vulnerable, courageous, wholehearted, and empathetic with each other, thereby deepening the connection we form with other people and alleviating the shame we feel at times in our lives. She challenges us to shed the armor of self-protection, to be self-aware, and to live our values as a recipe for growth, connection and mindfulness. This in turn helps us be intentional leaders and people, building stronger connections with our teams, our customers, our families and ultimately with ourselves. I have attached the getabstract for your review but strongly recommend you download the audiobook at Audible.com and listen to the entire book as Brene’s personal examples and story telling style really resonated with me.

Therefore, as an outcome from Brene Brown’s book and this experience, I “Dare YOU To Lead”…

I had just left a store and was exiting the parking lot. On the corner stood a young girl resembling Megan (my daughter) in looks and age. She was dressed in dirty torn clothes, with blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, wind burned face from being outside in the cold…trembling as she held a sign …

“I’m hungry. Please Help.”

Immediately I was drawn to her. Maybe because she reminded me of my daughter. Maybe for another reason I wasn’t quite aware of yet.

I stopped the car, rolled down the window and I immediately was captivated by her eyes. I paused and look intently into them and said “hello, how are you?”, smiling.

Her face lite up and her voice raised with excitement… “I’m good!” she said returning a genuine smile.

I awkwardly handed her some money, our eyes still locked and said “God bless you”. She looked lovingly back and said the same to me.

The exchange was quick but intense. I was stuck in a trance for some reason… looking into her eyes and wanting to know her. To know her story. To know her struggle. To know her strength and to know she’d be ok. I suddenly realized…

It was Him. He was there…Jesus was right there…I could see Him in her eyes. Hear Him in her voice. Feel Him in her presence. I drove slowly away, hoping to see “her” again…soon.

The reality is, He is always there… especially in those in need, in those we overlook and in those we under appreciate. He is always right there… if we only take the time to seek him…we will “find” him.

Matthew 25:40

And the King will answer, “In truth I tell you, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.”

May you “find” Him in everything you do…

It’s that time again! Time to celebrate our accomplishments and plan the year ahead to achieve our dreams. Ten years ago, this wasn’t easy for me. In fact,  it required self awareness, an inspiring environment, a personalized approach and creating my own “process”.

My Awareness

Work had always brought the most consistency in evaluating the current year and planning the next year. It had a rhythm that was formalized and an annual review process that was used. Better yet, it was documented with deadlines, aligned to strategies and had agreed to outcomes. In short, it was clear, measurable and consistent. Outside of work though, things weren’t as organized, articulated or intentional as I wanted…I eventually admitted. Life had begun to feel like a never ending conveyor belt of tasks, projects and activities unrelated to any well defined or inspiring dream. To make matters worse, the reasons or the “why” I was doing these things became unclear, thereby minimizing the level of joy I felt even when tasks were completed. Eventually, this led to frustration, anxiety, resentment and withdrawal. Admitting where I was back then, would become the first step.

The Environment

After sharing these concerns with my wife, we decided a weekend away was needed. Somewhere inspirational to reconnect, reflect and recharge ourselves…and honestly for me, just escaping life for a little while. We found a beautiful log cabin (we call the “camp”) on a nearby lake and rented it for 2 nights. The weather was cold and snowy (it was February) but inside the cabin, the fireplace popped and crackled as we fed it wood, keeping us warm and cozy. With a stocked fridge and nowhere to go, it was the perfect beginning to what would become an annual pilgrimage for us. A place and a time to review how we think about life, how we measure progress and how we intentionally plan each year towards achieving our dreams together.

The Approach

Motivated to “accomplish” something during our weekend escape, I approached it much like work…structured. I created a PowerPoint deck with a formal, printed agenda with time slots and activities I had thought through days before arriving. I had YouTube videos to watch, podcasts to listen to and books to read (I know, a real shocker to those that know me!).  Admittedly, this was a little over the top but this approach worked well for me, unlike my wife who preferred a more “creative and spontaneous” approach. Instead, she simply arrived that day with a beautiful journal and a pen. She then immersed herself in the amazing environment, sat comfortably in front of the fireplace and began to reflect and write.  In the end though, I came to realize it was more about finding what worked for ourselves versus conforming to any one “approach”. 🙂

Now, almost 9 years later, we still rent the same cabin each year (now 3 nights instead of 2), cook our meals and find a quiet place in the “camp” to begin the process all over again… in our own way.

My Process

For me, the process has evolved over the years and now is comprised of reflecting on 6 Questions not only when we are at the camp but on a bi-weekly basis to maintain momentum and consistency:

WHERE was I in my life and what mattered?
Sounds easy. It wasn’t initially from me. In other words, how was my marriage, our kids, my health, our finances, my faith, our family, my career, my relationships, etc. How did I feel about each area and how was I doing? What REALLY mattered?

WHO was I becoming?
This was a tough one at first too. Not only did this require self reflection but real honesty. Was I the dad and husband I wanted to be? Was I living my faith? Was I taking care of my body and mind? How was I developing myself EVERY day? Was I striving to become the best version of myself? In the end, the realization was that I needed to be authentic and seek intentional, congruent progress, not perfection.

WHAT did I want?
Besides the obvious material things, what did I want for my marriage, our kids, my health, my finances, my service to others. Thinking about my dreams and what I wanted for each area of my life gave a more complete picture of the things that would bring fulfillment not only materially, but spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. Harmony, not balance was what I sought after.

WHY did I want it?
Why did I want these “things”? What would I teach my kids based on what I pursued? What was my legacy and what would be on my epitaph (headstone) and in my obituary? The reasons or the “why” became the fuel to ensure clarity and progress towards the dreams, in good times and in challenging times. It also helped to eliminate those “wants or whats” that had weak or the incongruent motivations.

HOW would I get there?
Having a written plan has power and brings clarity. It represents the first step in committing to actions to achieve our goals for the year. Some plans and actions were general and some were detailed, but each were linked back to the dreams and reasons in each area of life.

HOW would I stay on track?
Asking for help and sharing my personal goals was never a strong suit of mine. Nor was maintaining an empowering and intentional routine. Therefore, sharing my dreams with others, asking for help, revisiting my current habits and hiring a coach were the single biggest success factors to help me stay on track. This provided an “accountability” structure and helped to define the habits and routines necessary to stay consistent.

Way of Life

The approach, the process and the outcomes evolve each time I go to the “camp”.  It is not just an annual process or limited to being in a specific place, rather it has become a way of life. Although my wife’s approach is different, we still both intentionally define, share and align our dreams with each other. This then serves as an example for our kids on how to live their lives. In fact, we recently started to bring them on a separate trip each Spring to this magical place to teach them how to reconnect with who they are, the process of dreaming, and being intentional about how they approach their future. There is no PowerPoint deck for them, just being with us, immersed in the moment and discovering “their own way to the future”.

How about you?

Are you achieving your dreams?

Where do you have the most clarity?

What’s your “process”?

How do you stay on track?

Listen to the podcast on Brilliance: Leadership Learning – Growing into Coaching by Derrick Rumenapp

With holidays upon us, it’s easy to be consumed by the busyness and anxiety of buying gifts, baking cookies, decorating, sending holiday cards and making travel plans to see those we love in the coming weeks. All important activities for sure, but if we are not mindful in how we carry out these activities, what really matters about this time of year can easily be missed as I soon realized this past Thanksgiving.

This year was our turn to host Thanksgiving. With only my mom and sister’s family coming, a total of 9, there was plenty of time to cook, relax and hangout. During this time, my mom asked my son Matthew to play a board game. (Fortnight isn’t really her thing!) He suggested Connect4, a classic old school game even I played as a kid that challenges you to align 4 plastic discs of the same color (red or black) in a row before your opponent does. She agreed with a mischievous smirk as he eagerly setup the game, neither aware of the life lesson we were all about to (re)learn.

The game started quickly. A flurry of black and red discs dropping and clanking, in hopes of connecting 4 horizontally or vertically. I kept my distance. I watched and listened, captivated by their laughter, jokes and interaction. I couldn’t recall the last time I had observed them like this together. A real conversation with no interruptions from tweets, texts and snaps. (Yes, my mom texts.) The sounds of celebration as Matthew won, as well as despair when he lost, went on for over an hour as Grandma showed this “youngster” how her generation did it. (It was actually very funny and rewarding since he had beat me handily a day earlier.)

As they played, she paused and casually asked, “Matthew, what do you want for Christmas?”

He thought for a second, strategically placing his next disc and then said, “Money would be great, Gram”

Two thoughts went through my mind when he said that, although I said neither…

1. “Money! That’s not a good Christmas gift to ask Grandma for!”
2. “Wait….what do I want for Christmas?”

As I sat there thinking about what I wanted for Christmas, I observed the interaction between my mom and Matthew. The laughter, the connection and the love. Suddenly, what I wanted became clearer. In fact, there was no longer any doubt what I wanted this Christmas and every Christmas going forward…

I wanted “this”. This moment. This time. This awareness.

I no longer wanted any material gifts.  I had rediscovered something more precious, more enduring and more important that I had forgotten. In fact, the best gift of all….”the precious present”.

Maybe it’s because I’ll be turning 50. Maybe it’s because my daughter went to college this past fall and the house has been quiet or that my son has grown 4 inches this past year and can almost look me in the eye. Maybe it’s because of all the change in my life. Whatever the reason, at this moment, I felt different.

More reflective.

More grateful.

More connected.

And more aware that these moments and this time in our lives will never come again.

Let me say that again… these moments and this time in our lives will never come again…

• Matthew was young, innocent and still a “believer”.
• My daughter Megan at college would still be coming home for Christmas.
• My mom and dad were both still alive.
• My wife and I were still healthy.
• My sister, brother-in law and nephew were visiting for the first time in awhile.
• And so many other “fleeting moments” began to flood my mind.

It reminded me of a “gift” my mom had given me for my 25th birthday, a book written by Spencer Johnson called “The Precious Present”. Her handwritten inscription on the inside cover still insightful and relevant especially today, foreshadowing the message in the book and the most important lesson in my life.

She wrote:

“Never lose your perspective and always live in the present. Life is full of stumbling blocks, but always remember to take time out to remember where you are, who you are and the people you came from. Life is yours for living.”

My mom and Matthew eventually finished their epic battle of Connect4. Although my mom won more games, he took it in stride. Almost as if he realized in his own way that the “prize” for playing wasn’t based on who won more games, but rather the mere fact he got to play…with her. The game had “connected” more then just red and black discs that day, it had connected them…to a moment, a lesson and a gift much better than money: the Precious Present. 

How about you? What are you asking for? What is your precious present?

I was walking by my bookshelf the other day and noticed an old book I have “consulted” several times throughout my career during times of immense change… “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson. Something told me, it was time to sit down and read it again.

This may sound odd, but this time I decided to read it aloud to myself, like a parent would read to a child. Surprisingly, this approach immersed me in the content and characters, and forced me to stay focused and thoughtfully reflect on how I was handling the current change in my life. As the story unfolded, I quickly identified with the characters and situations it presented as well as how I let some behaviors trap me recently. What I wanted(my cheese), where I was looking for it (in the maze) and who I was behaving like (a mouse or a little person) during my journey through change became important questions to answer…

Why Cheese and Who was I in the Story?

The story cleverly uses cheese as a metaphor for “what” we are pursuing in life and a maze  to symbolize “where” we are looking for it like in our relationships, our health or even in our careers. The cheese and maze together set the stage for two mice and two little-people who emerge and demonstrate different behaviors and mindsets when detecting and dealing with change:

• Sniff is a mouse that sniffs out change early.
• Scurry is a mouse who scurries into action quickly when faced with change.
• Hem is a little person who denies and resists change as he fears it will lead to something worse.
• Haw is a little person who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing leads to something better.

As I read the story and reflected on the characters, I could see over the last year that I had exhibited behaviors of each of them at times, but it was clear who I was acting the most like currently and who I needed to become going forward.

How Do I Approach Change?

Next, it challenged me to honestly assess how I detect, think about, and approach change as well as my ability to “read the handwriting on the wall” as the book describes it, during changes in my life:

• Change Happens – they keep moving the cheese.
• Anticipate Change – get ready for the cheese to move.
• Monitor Change – smell the cheese often so you know when it’s getting old.
• Adapt To Change – the quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese.
• Change – move with the change.
• Enjoy Change! – savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese!
• Be Ready To Change Quickly and Enjoy It Again and Again – they keep moving the cheese.

It took a mere 50 minutes to read this book and even though it wasn’t the first time, it felt like it. I had forgotten these basic principles when facing change and how it didn’t matter “who” moved “my cheese”, but rather, making sure I knew what “cheese” I really wanted, detecting whether it was still there, and having the courage to proactively look for new “cheese” if needed.  Lessons I could have learned from a mouse!

How about you?

• What is your cheese?
• Who are you in the story?
• How do you approach change?
• Are you reading the “handwriting on the wall” and acting accordingly?

P.s. – for those that think it’s to weird to read to yourself (I won’t tell anyone!), you can have the author read it to you on Audible.com for $12…it’s well worth it!

My family has a strong faith. We are active in the church and community, doing what we can to help those in need. This includes volunteering, donating clothes, leading fundraisers and supporting our local food pantry.

For some reason, one “opportunity” to help others always makes me feel uncomfortable. This involves being approached directly from those in need on our city streets asking for assistance. This happens locally and sometimes when we travel…like recently during our trip to Pittsburgh.

My Hesitation

Throughout my life, I have experienced a hesitation at times when approached by someone in need as I walked down the street. Various concerns race through my mind like will the money be used for alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, gambling or other perceived inappropriate uses. Admittedly, the perception that the person in need might “misuse the support” has prevented me from giving at times in the past. The internal conflict between wanting to help, but also wanting to direct “how my help gets used” caused confusion in my mind on the example I want to set for my children. Didn’t I want my children to help others in need? What was my behavior teaching them?

My Decision and Plan

This decision is very personal and by no means is the same for everyone but as a parent, I wanted to make sure my wife and I agreed on “the plan”. After much thought, we decided to separate the “desire to give” from the recipient’s choice on “how it will be used” as the basis for how we set an example for our children. We acknowledged that the unknown risk of “inappropriate use” was worth the chance it could really be used to help them. We focused on the goal of “helping” and on what we could control. In the event that we were asked for money specifically for things that we knew would harm them, we reserved the right to buy them food instead. If we felt our safety would be jeopardized, we also could choose to disengage. Otherwise, a request for help would be met with respect, empathy and love…not questions, judgement or fear. Even with this mindset though, I am always taken off guard, whether the recipient is standing or sitting on the sidewalk with a sign or as they approach me walking down the street. Recently, during our family trip to Pittsburgh to see the Steelers play, my decision to help others, follow the plan and “walk the talk” was again tested.

The Opportunity

Each year my family and I make our annual trip to Pittsburgh to see the Steelers play. We are truly blessed to be able to do this and am grateful every time we go. This year we had chosen a Sunday night game and therefore had all day Sunday to tailgate. The weather was perfect and we had stopped at a local grocery store for numerous snacks. Since it was Sunday, I decided to wear a new Steelers T-shirt (insert above) my wife had gotten me. It has a picture of a cross made up of the Steelers logo and the words:

“All I need today is a little bit of Steelers and a whole lot of Jesus” .

Several people noticed it that day and complemented me on it. I beamed with pride.

As my son Matthew and I threw the football in the parking lot while tailgating, I noticed a homeless person lingering around. We had our trunk open, the Sunday NFL ticket playing in the background and a smorgasbord of tailgating food displayed. As the homeless person came closer, you could see him searching our faces, trying to make eye contact and hoping to find someone that would help. As I observed him and the others nearby, many people simply looked away and pretended to be preoccupied with something as he approached. Eventually his eyes met mine and then I saw him look at my shirt. As he did this, I felt uncomfortable.

I knew what was about to happen. I wanted to help. So why did I feel uncomfortable? I wasn’t sure what he was going to ask me, but in general I knew it would be for help. As he walked across the parking lot towards me, my heart raced.

What was I going to say?

What was I going to do?

What behavior would I model for my son, my family and in front God?

Would I respond with love, fear or judgement?

The answers should’ve been easy. The answers should’ve been clear. But every time this happens I feel tested in what I say versus what I will do. Will I walk the talk echoed in my mind?

He humbly approached me, shoulders slumped, eyes downward and said:

“Sir, excuse me, I have not eaten in days, and I was wondering if you would make me a sandwich?”.

The Response

Everyone froze. I hesitated, squeezing the football firmly. All eyes, including my son’s, were on me.

Yes, the guy wearing a cross in the shape of a Steelers logo and a message that said “All I need today is a little bit of Steelers and a whole lot of Jesus “ on a Sunday hesitated! But why? He wasn’t asking for money. He simply wanted food! The test had begun…

It felt like minutes past, when if fact only milliseconds as he humbly waited for an answer. Suddenly the words: “Absolutely!” sprang from my mouth as if placed there by “someone” else. I quickly went to the front of the car and made a big sandwich. As I came to the back of the car, to my surprise, my wife and son had already pulled out a plate with chips, cookies and other snacks for him!  I handed it to him, making eye contact, smiling and shaking his hand. He thanked me and smiled. That was the last time I saw him that day and the last time I was approached during the trip. My son and I went back to throwing the football, watching the Steelers and eating…all blessings that were previously taken for granted.

The Lesson

We never spoke again about what happened that day but it stayed with me throughout our trip and to this day. It reminded me there are times when “what we say” versus “what we do” is tested in ways that are unexpected, sometimes in front of those we love and respect, but many times when no one is looking. Living our beliefs can sometimes be difficult, but choosing to be kind and genuinely helping others will always be the right choice whether with money, food, a smile or even letting them know they are “seen”.

The Steelers lost that weekend but the trip was unbelievably memorable not only because of the time spent with family but because of the lesson that I re-learned about my values, helping others and walking the talk.

What about you? How do you serve others? Do you walk the talk?