The weather was perfect for a Fall weekend in the Northeast. Crisp. Calm. Blue sky. Partly sunny. Just perfect.

As I set out for my afternoon run, I made sure I was more colorful than the changing landscape around me….bright orange shirt and light blue shorts. It wasn’t a fashion statement, but more a safety precaution to ensure that drivers could see me as I ran along the side of a country road.

Living in a rural area, traffic was expected to be light except for a 1/2 mile stretch where the shoulder is narrow and cars travel at 55 mph. This section always creates a heightened sense of awareness and anxiety for me, but over the years I’ve gotten use to it.

As I made the left turn onto the busier part of the route, the sun was bright and the upcoming blind corner suddenly revealed a vehicle coming my way. At first, I wasn’t too concerned, as traffic was expected. But as the vehicle got closer, it’s trajectory began to change…drifting gradually towards the side of the road, in my direction. As I continued forward, I felt paralyzed, helpless, and unsure what to do. Slowly, its tires pierced the white line onto the shoulder where I was and I could hear the gravel being struck. I quickly moved further off the shoulder into the ditch of tall grass, as the car seemed to accelerate in my direction. I was out of time and space…the car was upon me.

Time seemed to freeze as I looked into the passenger window. I could see the driver, what they were doing, the color of their eyes and hair, their expression and an approximate age. Suddenly, the driver saw me, realized the imminent danger and jerked the wheel sharply, returning to their lane. Disaster averted. Thank God.

It started and ended in a blink of an eye. In fact, it happened so fast I didn’t have “time for my life to flash in front of my eyes” or react much at all. I was numb. I had no anger. No fear. Nothing. All I felt was a sense of relief and gratitude that both the driver and I were safe, and that I couldn’t wait to get home and see my family to share this experience.

As a sat later, recalling and retelling the story, I purposely excluded the age, sex, make and model of the vehicle , and what the driver was doing because none of that was the real point. In fact, it wasn’t about one specific person, place, type or thing. It’s simply about the risk of distracted driving…whatever the cause. Distracted driving injures almost 400,000 a year and is to blame for at least 8% of fatal car accidents. It comes in many “shapes and sizes” performed by many different demographics. In the end, all distracted driving is dangerous and applies to everyone. It may include eating, drinking beverages, talking on the phone, reading, texting, applying makeup, watching videos, taking pictures or changing music as a few examples. All of these activities can distract us just long enough to miss seeing a child waiting for a school bus, an animal crossing the street or in my case, a runner along the side the road.

The reality is, that driver could have been me. That’s right, I am embarrassed to admit that I too am guilty of distracted driving at times. I won’t go into the details but admit this experience has forced me to look at my own driving behavior and the risks distracted driving poses to myself, my family and others. It also prompted me share this story to raise awareness that we all must “wait” and avoid any distracting behavior that could cause harm to ourselves and others while driving.

A highway sign I later saw stated it perfectly:

“Whatever it is…It can wait.”

Join me in “waiting”.

I love to fish. Period.

My grandfather cultivated this love of mine when I was a child, taking me fishing often in lakes, ponds and streams (or cricks like we call them). We would fish in the morning and at night, in rain or shine. Summer or winter. It didn’t matter. I was and still am always excited to go fishing. I love it.

As fisherman, we all have our favorite “spots”. Places we love to go where we believe a trophy size fish awaits. Some people like deep, still water near a creek bed with overhanging branches where monster brook and brown trout await. Others like the ocean and large lakes where you need 2 guys to pull in the catch.

For me, it’s always been this incredible pond on a farm in my hometown where my best friend Gary from high school lived. We spent many a summer weekend fishing there together. At that time, his family still owned the property. Bass, pickerel, bluegill, sunfish, crappie, rock bass…you name it, we caught it in that pond. In fact the largest pickerel I ever caught in my life, 26 inches, was taken from that little pond. So many memories. So many fish “stories”. Even today, decades after the property had been sold, I get excited and optimistic that the “big one” still awaits. So much of who I am and what I value in life can be linked to that pond, fishing and those I shared it with. Patience. Optimism. Persistence. Gratitude. Nature. Beauty. Peace. Humility.

Unfortunately, the older I got, the less time I had/made for fishing. And when my grand father passed away and Gary’s family sold the property, fishing almost vanished from my life . Even when my kids were born, it never seemed to be a priority to take them fishing.

But this wouldn’t be the end of the fishing “story”.

Now almost 30 years later, I reconnected with Gary and his dad Larry. We came to learn that the current owners of the property were seasonally renting the beautiful log cabin they had built on the property and it was available. Staying there overnight had become a life long obsession of mine and now the opportunity had come.

So when on the off chance I learned that the beautiful logo cabin that majestically stood watch over the pond was being rented, I jumped at the chance. I contacted the owner and made a reservation. #DreamComeTrue

The weather forecast for that weekend was spotty at best. On the water, even a pond this size in the country, you never know. So we picked our bags, fishing poles and off we went. Walking into the cabin for the first time was surreal. For 25+ years I had dreamed of seeing the inside of the cabin. Now having the chance to go inside and stay brought overwhelming joy!

We quickly unpacked the car and headed for the pond to “catch dinner”. (We don’t keep any fish, but you gotta have goals!) As usual, the fish were biting….all sizes and kinds. Laughter, excitement, frustration and excuses filled the air. I felt like I was 10 years old again.

Later that night Gary and his dad Larry joined us for dinner. Larry, another avid fisherman, loved the sport as much as I do. His talent for catching fish is captured here. Enough said. LOL

After dinner, we watched the sunset, as a large snapping turtle wandered up the lawn searching for a place to lay her eggs. Nearby a mother deer frolicked with her fawns as a flock of turkey silently strutted across the meadow while geese paddled around the pond. We even had a full moon that night and a clear sky, enabling us to take the kids outside to see what the constellations really look like. It was the perfect end to a perfect day.

The weather the next morning wasn’t great. Slow steady rain blanketed the countryside with no signs of letting up. Disappointment laid heavy in the air, not just the fog.

“Now what”?, Matthew asked anxiously.

“What do you mean?” I replied.

“It’s raining. How can we fish?” he asked.

“So”, I said with a grin.

“Did you bring us rain jackets?”, he asked.

“No, but I have a better idea,” chuckling under my breath. “I’ll be right back.”

Moments later, I returned.

“Is that a garbage bag?” Matthew asked.

“Yup, and your new raincoat”, I exclaimed as I searched through the nearby draw for scissors.

Matthew is a pretty easy going kid, but even he was skeptical that this would work. But several tries later, 3 rain jackets were made to order!

As we put on our new “rain jackets” and headed out the door, Larry met us outside to join our mission.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

“Garbage bags,” Matthew exclaimed.

Larry paused. Looked away and just shook his headed, his signature move. We all burst out laughing. Then a quick picture to capture this moment and down to the pond we went.

The rain was steady and even intensified on and off, but the fish were biting and it was incredible. In fact, I didn’t even have time to fish. I just kept taking the fish off as they reeled them in and re-baiting the hooks.

As the kids sat their fishing, soaked and smiling, filled with excitement even in the pouring rain, I could hear my grandfather looking down from heaven smiling and saying “Well, they are hooked now”.

It’s moments like this that either make you love fishing for the rest of your life or hate it. To be sure this was love, I said:

“Hey, guys. The next time you look outside and it’s raining, what are you going to think?”

Almost in unison they replied “that’s it’s a good day to go fishing.”

They were right. It really was a good day..especially for fishing. Mission Accomplished.

As we finished for the day and headed towards the cabin, I reflected on how a dreary, wet morning with no rain jackets lead to a new perspective on what a “good day” can be; and how the “rain” in our lives can actually lead to “love” with a little bit of creativity and some trash bags.

Go fishing. Take the kids. Get wet. Bring trash bags. 🙂

For most of us in the northeast, this week marks the end of summer and the beginning of the new school year.

As we waited for the bus with Matthew on this beautiful morning, we talked, laughed, and reminisced about the amazing summer we had and the time we spent together. In fact, it was the first year that we almost forgot to get a picture of him waiting outside. You see we were so immersed in this precious moment in our lives, a moment when Matthew is still home with us and beginning 7th grade. (Our daughter Megan is a sophomore at college) His energy, excitement and optimism for what lies ahead was inspiring, intoxicating and down right incredible. Suddenly I realized the bus was about to come and said to my wife “Let’s make sure we get a picture”.

It was in that moment that I realized that the “real moment” had already been captured. Not digitally, but emotionally in our hearts, in our minds and in our souls…forever. How many times had I taken the picture each year of him, only to have missed the moment. In the craziness of our lives and “capturing” everything in social media, we may succeed in capturing the picture, but we may miss what really matters…living in the moment.

This post was inspired by a conversation with a colleague on what we have learned from facing so many hurdles with Megan’s metabolism challenges for 10 years.

We have taken so many approaches, worked with so many people. Some worked short term only to fail long term. I have applied many of these techniques, some recently with success. Generally though, it comes down to this which I am sure you already know:

1. Get a Reason…a REALLY Good One – Why do you want be healthier? What happens if you don’t? What are you willing to give up? Who are you really doing this for?
2. Get an Annual Check-up – make sure that your weight isn’t a result of some other health condition… diabetes, thyroid, etc. What does your blood work say? Are you on medication? A health condition could prevent any progress you hope to make.
3. Keep a Food journal – capture what you eat and drink every day for a week…this will give you great insights into what might be sabotaging your progress and where adjustments need to be made
4. Remove Foods that Cause Inflammation – Sugar, Gluten, Caffeine, Alcohol…anything processed ( I know…ouch but you can add these back in later. This is the main reason you need a GOOD “WHY”)
5. Eat Organic – especially green leafy veggies and cruciferous(Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Kale, Spinach) and grass fed meats. I eat very little eggs…when I do, they are cage free, organic.
6. Healthy Fat is GOOD – eat healthy fats…especially Coconut oil, Olive Oil, and Avocados are my favorites!
7. Low Impact, Fun Exercise – I find I cannot workout hard and reduce calories at the same time. Therefore, walk, swim, yoga or light weight lifting for 30 minutes 5 days a week is more than enough. Make it fun with a buddy or you won’t stick to it. Get outside!
8. WATER – drink 50% of your body weight in ounces daily.
9. Nothing after 7pm – don’t eat late at night.
10. Get an Accountability Partner – tell someone your goals and share your progress with them regularly. Weight yourself DAILY at the SAME time…preferably upon rising and communicate/write it down.
11. Self Love – Look in the mirror daily and no matter what the scale says, look into your own eyes and say “I love you, you are enough.”

Keep in mind, everyone is different but many of the above work universally.

As I sit here in the emergency room with my daughter waiting on the results of her CAT scan and reflecting on the scare we are having with her vision, I cannot help but think about how fragile our lives are, how important living in the present is, how blessed my family is to have each other and how fortunate I am to work for a company/team that supports me during these times. Looking around the waiting area, I see so much pain, uncertainty, despair and fear…people held hostage by their health, their age, their choices, and the medical system but more importantly by the meaning they are giving this “challenge”. Regardless of the adversity we each face, managing our mindset and choosing how we respond starts with our own vulnerability, our empathy for others, our gratitude towards our blessings and our intentional self-care(love). This directly influences our perception of our lives and its challenges as well as who we choose to “connect” with as a result…as parents, patients and leaders but most importantly as people during life’s ups and downs.

Today’s ER visit gives me pause and reminds me of a book I recently read by Brene Brown called “Dare to Lead” that dares us to be vulnerable, courageous, wholehearted, and empathetic with each other, thereby deepening the connection we form with other people and alleviating the shame we feel at times in our lives. She challenges us to shed the armor of self-protection, to be self-aware, and to live our values as a recipe for growth, connection and mindfulness. This in turn helps us be intentional leaders and people, building stronger connections with our teams, our customers, our families and ultimately with ourselves. I have attached the getabstract for your review but strongly recommend you download the audiobook at Audible.com and listen to the entire book as Brene’s personal examples and story telling style really resonated with me.

Therefore, as an outcome from Brene Brown’s book and this experience, I “Dare YOU To Lead”…

I had just left a store and was exiting the parking lot. On the corner stood a young girl resembling Megan (my daughter) in looks and age. She was dressed in dirty torn clothes, with blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, wind burned face from being outside in the cold…trembling as she held a sign …

“I’m hungry. Please Help.”

Immediately I was drawn to her. Maybe because she reminded me of my daughter. Maybe for another reason I wasn’t quite aware of yet.

I stopped the car, rolled down the window and I immediately was captivated by her eyes. I paused and look intently into them and said “hello, how are you?”, smiling.

Her face lite up and her voice raised with excitement… “I’m good!” she said returning a genuine smile.

I awkwardly handed her some money, our eyes still locked and said “God bless you”. She looked lovingly back and said the same to me.

The exchange was quick but intense. I was stuck in a trance for some reason… looking into her eyes and wanting to know her. To know her story. To know her struggle. To know her strength and to know she’d be ok. I suddenly realized…

It was Him. He was there…Jesus was right there…I could see Him in her eyes. Hear Him in her voice. Feel Him in her presence. I drove slowly away, hoping to see “her” again…soon.

The reality is, He is always there… especially in those in need, in those we overlook and in those we under appreciate. He is always right there… if we only take the time to seek him…we will “find” him.

Matthew 25:40

And the King will answer, “In truth I tell you, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.”

May you “find” Him in everything you do…

It’s that time again! Time to celebrate our accomplishments and plan the year ahead to achieve our dreams. Ten years ago, this wasn’t easy for me. In fact,  it required self awareness, an inspiring environment, a personalized approach and creating my own “process”.

My Awareness

Work had always brought the most consistency in evaluating the current year and planning the next year. It had a rhythm that was formalized and an annual review process that was used. Better yet, it was documented with deadlines, aligned to strategies and had agreed to outcomes. In short, it was clear, measurable and consistent. Outside of work though, things weren’t as organized, articulated or intentional as I wanted…I eventually admitted. Life had begun to feel like a never ending conveyor belt of tasks, projects and activities unrelated to any well defined or inspiring dream. To make matters worse, the reasons or the “why” I was doing these things became unclear, thereby minimizing the level of joy I felt even when tasks were completed. Eventually, this led to frustration, anxiety, resentment and withdrawal. Admitting where I was back then, would become the first step.

The Environment

After sharing these concerns with my wife, we decided a weekend away was needed. Somewhere inspirational to reconnect, reflect and recharge ourselves…and honestly for me, just escaping life for a little while. We found a beautiful log cabin (we call the “camp”) on a nearby lake and rented it for 2 nights. The weather was cold and snowy (it was February) but inside the cabin, the fireplace popped and crackled as we fed it wood, keeping us warm and cozy. With a stocked fridge and nowhere to go, it was the perfect beginning to what would become an annual pilgrimage for us. A place and a time to review how we think about life, how we measure progress and how we intentionally plan each year towards achieving our dreams together.

The Approach

Motivated to “accomplish” something during our weekend escape, I approached it much like work…structured. I created a PowerPoint deck with a formal, printed agenda with time slots and activities I had thought through days before arriving. I had YouTube videos to watch, podcasts to listen to and books to read (I know, a real shocker to those that know me!).  Admittedly, this was a little over the top but this approach worked well for me, unlike my wife who preferred a more “creative and spontaneous” approach. Instead, she simply arrived that day with a beautiful journal and a pen. She then immersed herself in the amazing environment, sat comfortably in front of the fireplace and began to reflect and write.  In the end though, I came to realize it was more about finding what worked for ourselves versus conforming to any one “approach”. 🙂

Now, almost 9 years later, we still rent the same cabin each year (now 3 nights instead of 2), cook our meals and find a quiet place in the “camp” to begin the process all over again… in our own way.

My Process

For me, the process has evolved over the years and now is comprised of reflecting on 6 Questions not only when we are at the camp but on a bi-weekly basis to maintain momentum and consistency:

WHERE was I in my life and what mattered?
Sounds easy. It wasn’t initially from me. In other words, how was my marriage, our kids, my health, our finances, my faith, our family, my career, my relationships, etc. How did I feel about each area and how was I doing? What REALLY mattered?

WHO was I becoming?
This was a tough one at first too. Not only did this require self reflection but real honesty. Was I the dad and husband I wanted to be? Was I living my faith? Was I taking care of my body and mind? How was I developing myself EVERY day? Was I striving to become the best version of myself? In the end, the realization was that I needed to be authentic and seek intentional, congruent progress, not perfection.

WHAT did I want?
Besides the obvious material things, what did I want for my marriage, our kids, my health, my finances, my service to others. Thinking about my dreams and what I wanted for each area of my life gave a more complete picture of the things that would bring fulfillment not only materially, but spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. Harmony, not balance was what I sought after.

WHY did I want it?
Why did I want these “things”? What would I teach my kids based on what I pursued? What was my legacy and what would be on my epitaph (headstone) and in my obituary? The reasons or the “why” became the fuel to ensure clarity and progress towards the dreams, in good times and in challenging times. It also helped to eliminate those “wants or whats” that had weak or the incongruent motivations.

HOW would I get there?
Having a written plan has power and brings clarity. It represents the first step in committing to actions to achieve our goals for the year. Some plans and actions were general and some were detailed, but each were linked back to the dreams and reasons in each area of life.

HOW would I stay on track?
Asking for help and sharing my personal goals was never a strong suit of mine. Nor was maintaining an empowering and intentional routine. Therefore, sharing my dreams with others, asking for help, revisiting my current habits and hiring a coach were the single biggest success factors to help me stay on track. This provided an “accountability” structure and helped to define the habits and routines necessary to stay consistent.

Way of Life

The approach, the process and the outcomes evolve each time I go to the “camp”.  It is not just an annual process or limited to being in a specific place, rather it has become a way of life. Although my wife’s approach is different, we still both intentionally define, share and align our dreams with each other. This then serves as an example for our kids on how to live their lives. In fact, we recently started to bring them on a separate trip each Spring to this magical place to teach them how to reconnect with who they are, the process of dreaming, and being intentional about how they approach their future. There is no PowerPoint deck for them, just being with us, immersed in the moment and discovering “their own way to the future”.

How about you?

Are you achieving your dreams?

Where do you have the most clarity?

What’s your “process”?

How do you stay on track?

Listen to the podcast on Brilliance: Leadership Learning – Growing into Coaching by Derrick Rumenapp

With holidays upon us, it’s easy to be consumed by the busyness and anxiety of buying gifts, baking cookies, decorating, sending holiday cards and making travel plans to see those we love in the coming weeks. All important activities for sure, but if we are not mindful in how we carry out these activities, what really matters about this time of year can easily be missed as I soon realized this past Thanksgiving.

This year was our turn to host Thanksgiving. With only my mom and sister’s family coming, a total of 9, there was plenty of time to cook, relax and hangout. During this time, my mom asked my son Matthew to play a board game. (Fortnight isn’t really her thing!) He suggested Connect4, a classic old school game even I played as a kid that challenges you to align 4 plastic discs of the same color (red or black) in a row before your opponent does. She agreed with a mischievous smirk as he eagerly setup the game, neither aware of the life lesson we were all about to (re)learn.

The game started quickly. A flurry of black and red discs dropping and clanking, in hopes of connecting 4 horizontally or vertically. I kept my distance. I watched and listened, captivated by their laughter, jokes and interaction. I couldn’t recall the last time I had observed them like this together. A real conversation with no interruptions from tweets, texts and snaps. (Yes, my mom texts.) The sounds of celebration as Matthew won, as well as despair when he lost, went on for over an hour as Grandma showed this “youngster” how her generation did it. (It was actually very funny and rewarding since he had beat me handily a day earlier.)

As they played, she paused and casually asked, “Matthew, what do you want for Christmas?”

He thought for a second, strategically placing his next disc and then said, “Money would be great, Gram”

Two thoughts went through my mind when he said that, although I said neither…

1. “Money! That’s not a good Christmas gift to ask Grandma for!”
2. “Wait….what do I want for Christmas?”

As I sat there thinking about what I wanted for Christmas, I observed the interaction between my mom and Matthew. The laughter, the connection and the love. Suddenly, what I wanted became clearer. In fact, there was no longer any doubt what I wanted this Christmas and every Christmas going forward…

I wanted “this”. This moment. This time. This awareness.

I no longer wanted any material gifts.  I had rediscovered something more precious, more enduring and more important that I had forgotten. In fact, the best gift of all….”the precious present”.

Maybe it’s because I’ll be turning 50. Maybe it’s because my daughter went to college this past fall and the house has been quiet or that my son has grown 4 inches this past year and can almost look me in the eye. Maybe it’s because of all the change in my life. Whatever the reason, at this moment, I felt different.

More reflective.

More grateful.

More connected.

And more aware that these moments and this time in our lives will never come again.

Let me say that again… these moments and this time in our lives will never come again…

• Matthew was young, innocent and still a “believer”.
• My daughter Megan at college would still be coming home for Christmas.
• My mom and dad were both still alive.
• My wife and I were still healthy.
• My sister, brother-in law and nephew were visiting for the first time in awhile.
• And so many other “fleeting moments” began to flood my mind.

It reminded me of a “gift” my mom had given me for my 25th birthday, a book written by Spencer Johnson called “The Precious Present”. Her handwritten inscription on the inside cover still insightful and relevant especially today, foreshadowing the message in the book and the most important lesson in my life.

She wrote:

“Never lose your perspective and always live in the present. Life is full of stumbling blocks, but always remember to take time out to remember where you are, who you are and the people you came from. Life is yours for living.”

My mom and Matthew eventually finished their epic battle of Connect4. Although my mom won more games, he took it in stride. Almost as if he realized in his own way that the “prize” for playing wasn’t based on who won more games, but rather the mere fact he got to play…with her. The game had “connected” more then just red and black discs that day, it had connected them…to a moment, a lesson and a gift much better than money: the Precious Present. 

How about you? What are you asking for? What is your precious present?

I was walking by my bookshelf the other day and noticed an old book I have “consulted” several times throughout my career during times of immense change… “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson. Something told me, it was time to sit down and read it again.

This may sound odd, but this time I decided to read it aloud to myself, like a parent would read to a child. Surprisingly, this approach immersed me in the content and characters, and forced me to stay focused and thoughtfully reflect on how I was handling the current change in my life. As the story unfolded, I quickly identified with the characters and situations it presented as well as how I let some behaviors trap me recently. What I wanted(my cheese), where I was looking for it (in the maze) and who I was behaving like (a mouse or a little person) during my journey through change became important questions to answer…

Why Cheese and Who was I in the Story?

The story cleverly uses cheese as a metaphor for “what” we are pursuing in life and a maze  to symbolize “where” we are looking for it like in our relationships, our health or even in our careers. The cheese and maze together set the stage for two mice and two little-people who emerge and demonstrate different behaviors and mindsets when detecting and dealing with change:

• Sniff is a mouse that sniffs out change early.
• Scurry is a mouse who scurries into action quickly when faced with change.
• Hem is a little person who denies and resists change as he fears it will lead to something worse.
• Haw is a little person who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing leads to something better.

As I read the story and reflected on the characters, I could see over the last year that I had exhibited behaviors of each of them at times, but it was clear who I was acting the most like currently and who I needed to become going forward.

How Do I Approach Change?

Next, it challenged me to honestly assess how I detect, think about, and approach change as well as my ability to “read the handwriting on the wall” as the book describes it, during changes in my life:

• Change Happens – they keep moving the cheese.
• Anticipate Change – get ready for the cheese to move.
• Monitor Change – smell the cheese often so you know when it’s getting old.
• Adapt To Change – the quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese.
• Change – move with the change.
• Enjoy Change! – savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese!
• Be Ready To Change Quickly and Enjoy It Again and Again – they keep moving the cheese.

It took a mere 50 minutes to read this book and even though it wasn’t the first time, it felt like it. I had forgotten these basic principles when facing change and how it didn’t matter “who” moved “my cheese”, but rather, making sure I knew what “cheese” I really wanted, detecting whether it was still there, and having the courage to proactively look for new “cheese” if needed.  Lessons I could have learned from a mouse!

How about you?

• What is your cheese?
• Who are you in the story?
• How do you approach change?
• Are you reading the “handwriting on the wall” and acting accordingly?

P.s. – for those that think it’s to weird to read to yourself (I won’t tell anyone!), you can have the author read it to you on Audible.com for $12…it’s well worth it!