A Different Kind of Birthday

The coronavirus has changed the world. It has changed our lives. It has brought fear, sadness and disruption to our thoughts, emotions and the certainty we once had in our daily routine. Some have lost their faith. Some have lost their patience. Many have lost their loved ones. Life will be “different” from here on out. Different in how we act, think, work, learn, shop and even celebrate important milestones like graduations, anniversaries and even birthdays. For me, as I recently celebrated my 50th birthday, different is how I have labeled this moment in my life.

“Different” certainly applied to my birthday this month. With the quarantine still underway, all plans of a big 50th birthday celebration surrounded by friends and family had been “postponed”. No need for a snarky “Over the Hill” cake, lavish black decorations, witty old age invitations or large amounts of food. This year, social distancing and the coronavirus would limit how many I could invite and the magnitude of celebration I could have…at least that is what I thought.

As my birthday approached, I felt a sense anxiety, frustration and even a selfish disappointment. I kept reminding myself daily that the impact of the virus on my life had been minimal. Sure, the quarantine had led to a “different” place to work from, fewer dinners out, less time with friends and family, no haircuts and schooling from home…you know, first world problems. But we hadn’t lost anyone or known anyone that had. We were all safe and healthy. We had a home, food on the table and jobs. We were lucky and blessed. In fact, for us this was just a minor inconvenience. But even with that backdrop, the isolation, the media and 8+ weeks (and counting) in quarantine slowly seeped into my unconscious, poisoning my mindset and having me question my past, present and future.

“Would the financial markets and economy recover? Will I still have a job?”

“Would my kids fall behind in school? How would this experience impact them and who they become? “

“Worse, is it just a matter of time before my family, friends and I get the virus? Will they have a vaccine in time?”

Somehow this “intruder” began to limit my view on life and my dreams, clouding the lens I saw my blessings through. Even things as simple and insignificant as a milestone birthday would be impacted and truth be told, I had been planning (in my mind) a big party for years to celebrate 50. A way to commemorate this moment with the ones I care about. But the virus changed all that and selfishly I was disappointed. Wait, no I was mad.

“What now I thought? What do I want to do for my birthday? More importantly, with the quarantine what could I actually do?”

The options (in my mind) were limited but as the day got closer, it became clear. I chuckled when my wife asked “So have you decided?”

“Yes”, I said.

“Where?” she asked

“Where it all started…my hometown.” I replied.

So the plan was set.

My birthday morning started early as usual. First, a text from my high school best friend and best man at 5:15am. If anyone knew the first 50 years with me, he certainly did, so it was fitting he was the first to wish me a happy birthday. (My nephew was actually first but that’s because he had the date wrong and was 3 days early…lol)

Then on to my morning walk with a cup of coffee to the nearby lake, watching the sunrise and thinking…immersed in the moment and the milestone.

Then back to the house to pack lawn chairs and masks, to head for Milford, a small upstate NY town where a house that a Miranda Lambert song would say “built me.”

The first stop was seeing my dad, checking out his lawn and talk of when he would be putting in the garden…maintaining 6 feet of separation of course. Then to mom’s house where we would bring Brook’s BBQ Chicken for lunch like we had done for years.

Then a short hike in the woods to my favorite spots near her house with the kids and Amy, followed by relaxing in my favorite chair to gaze at the field across from her house.

Laughter, peace, healing, perspective and relief filled my mind. Exactly what I needed. Oh, an mom’s famous 7 layer cake…yes, there really are 7 layers!

As we departed, elbow bumps temporarily replaced kisses and hugs. Then a quick stop by my high school where 33 kids and I graduated in 1988 and a sign that coincidentally said “We Miss You”. Then to the cemetery to see the grandparents I lost 20+ years ago but whose influence still shape the man I am today .

Lastly, we decided to drive home via Cooperstown and a quick stop at Otsego lake and a drive by my favorite log cabin. The day was complete. I was exhausted. As my wife drove home, I drifted off to sleep in the back of the car. (This may seem like an insignificant point but those that know me, know that I always drive and rarely sit in the back. ) I guess my co-worker that recently turned 50 in February was right…naps are part of being 50!

Upon awakening minutes from home, I thought that even though this birthday was much “different” then I had originally imagined, the day had been perfect. Little did I know there was more to come…not from visiting the past like I had just done in Milford, but from the “present” that was being “unwrapped” in front of me.

Pulling into the driveway, I quickly noticed it had been beautifully decorated with hand written chalk messages wishing me a happy birthday…joking “It’s All Down Hill From Here” on my sloped driveway. Well played by my niece! Then into a house full of black and yellow, 50 themed(or Steelers) balloons and decorations, exactly as I had originally imagined in my mind. Cards and gifts were piled on the table. All that was missing were the guests….

After taking some pictures, the house was quiet.

Amy and the kids said “sit down on the couch, we have a surprise for you”. She then proceeded to played a 25 minute video of our lives together over the last few decades. Growing up in Milford. Dating. Marriage. Having kids. Our first home. Attending Steelers games. Vacations. The epilepsy foundation. Loved ones we lost. The ups and downs of life in it’s full raw and amazing glory. No filters. Just 50 years of memories. As I sat immersed in the video of memories, I felt blessed. Emotional. Grounded in what matters.

This was suddenly interrupted by the sound of vehicles outside…a birthday drive by had begun. Waves of family and close friends began showing up with horns, homemade Happy Birthday signs, balloons and more gifts in support of this “milestone”, maintaining social distance but feeling closer then ever. We laughed. Joked. Reminisced. Relaxed. It was incredible.

As people left, I told my wife and kids “that was awesome, thank you.” We then went into the house to prepare dinner, but was told there was “one more surprise” and that I should sit again on the couch. For another next 25 minutes, I watched countless video messages from friends, family and co-workers from as far as India and Europe as well as here in the States. Some people I “see” everyday. Others, like my “favorite” cousin I hadn’t seen or talked to in years. Loving Birthday wishes, shared special memories, life advice, gratitude, and of course many jokes about the joys of aging from co-workers and family.

This birthday had certainly been “different”. The day started out one way and ended completely another. Although I cannot wait to have my official party with hugs and kisses (yes, we are still having it at some point), this “different” birthday will always be remembered. It has reminded me that meaning we give, and actions we take in response to the circumstances in our lives, is a choice. “Different” doesn’t have to paralyze, frustrate or be an obstacle to a new experience. Different can be good…even great if we are open to the possibilities and willing to let go of old perceptions on what “normal” is. Even for something as simple as a 50th birthday party.

I went to bed that night feeling loved. Feeling close to family, friends and co-workers. Gratitude for my life and my many blessings had become clear again, and although nothing had changed in the world with the status of the quarantine, I had changed. My mindset about life, the real birthday “present” and what a celebration “could look like” was now different. A new “normal” had begun. As I drifted off to sleep, these thoughts filled my mind… “What a day…what a beautiful and “different” day. #Blessed.

A special and deep gratitude to God for my life, family, friends and endless blessings. To my wife Amy, daughter Megan and son Matthew who orchestrated this amazing celebration and are and will always be my everything. To my mom who raised me, loved me and gave me my work ethic, passion for cooking and love for writing. To my dad who sparked my interest in growing a garden, taking pride in my lawn and enjoying the outdoors. To my sister who rode “shotgun” with me throughout the ups and downs of childhood. Lastly, to the countless others in my life that made my 50th birthday the best and most “different” birthday ever. #LiveDifferent