With holidays upon us, it’s easy to be consumed by the busyness and anxiety of buying gifts, baking cookies, decorating, sending holiday cards and making travel plans to see those we love in the coming weeks. All important activities for sure, but if we are not mindful in how we carry out these activities, what really matters about this time of year can easily be missed as I soon realized this past Thanksgiving.

This year was our turn to host Thanksgiving. With only my mom and sister’s family coming, a total of 9, there was plenty of time to cook, relax and hangout. During this time, my mom asked my son Matthew to play a board game. (Fortnight isn’t really her thing!) He suggested Connect4, a classic old school game even I played as a kid that challenges you to align 4 plastic discs of the same color (red or black) in a row before your opponent does. She agreed with a mischievous smirk as he eagerly setup the game, neither aware of the life lesson we were all about to (re)learn.

The game started quickly. A flurry of black and red discs dropping and clanking, in hopes of connecting 4 horizontally or vertically. I kept my distance. I watched and listened, captivated by their laughter, jokes and interaction. I couldn’t recall the last time I had observed them like this together. A real conversation with no interruptions from tweets, texts and snaps. (Yes, my mom texts.) The sounds of celebration as Matthew won, as well as despair when he lost, went on for over an hour as Grandma showed this “youngster” how her generation did it. (It was actually very funny and rewarding since he had beat me handily a day earlier.)

As they played, she paused and casually asked, “Matthew, what do you want for Christmas?”

He thought for a second, strategically placing his next disc and then said, “Money would be great, Gram”

Two thoughts went through my mind when he said that, although I said neither…

1. “Money! That’s not a good Christmas gift to ask Grandma for!”
2. “Wait….what do I want for Christmas?”

As I sat there thinking about what I wanted for Christmas, I observed the interaction between my mom and Matthew. The laughter, the connection and the love. Suddenly, what I wanted became clearer. In fact, there was no longer any doubt what I wanted this Christmas and every Christmas going forward…

I wanted “this”. This moment. This time. This awareness.

I no longer wanted any material gifts.  I had rediscovered something more precious, more enduring and more important that I had forgotten. In fact, the best gift of all….”the precious present”.

Maybe it’s because I’ll be turning 50. Maybe it’s because my daughter went to college this past fall and the house has been quiet or that my son has grown 4 inches this past year and can almost look me in the eye. Maybe it’s because of all the change in my life. Whatever the reason, at this moment, I felt different.

More reflective.

More grateful.

More connected.

And more aware that these moments and this time in our lives will never come again.

Let me say that again… these moments and this time in our lives will never come again…

• Matthew was young, innocent and still a “believer”.
• My daughter Megan at college would still be coming home for Christmas.
• My mom and dad were both still alive.
• My wife and I were still healthy.
• My sister, brother-in law and nephew were visiting for the first time in awhile.
• And so many other “fleeting moments” began to flood my mind.

It reminded me of a “gift” my mom had given me for my 25th birthday, a book written by Spencer Johnson called “The Precious Present”. Her handwritten inscription on the inside cover still insightful and relevant especially today, foreshadowing the message in the book and the most important lesson in my life.

She wrote:

“Never lose your perspective and always live in the present. Life is full of stumbling blocks, but always remember to take time out to remember where you are, who you are and the people you came from. Life is yours for living.”

My mom and Matthew eventually finished their epic battle of Connect4. Although my mom won more games, he took it in stride. Almost as if he realized in his own way that the “prize” for playing wasn’t based on who won more games, but rather the mere fact he got to play…with her. The game had “connected” more then just red and black discs that day, it had connected them…to a moment, a lesson and a gift much better than money: the Precious Present. 

How about you? What are you asking for? What is your precious present?

I was walking by my bookshelf the other day and noticed an old book I have “consulted” several times throughout my career during times of immense change… “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson. Something told me, it was time to sit down and read it again.

This may sound odd, but this time I decided to read it aloud to myself, like a parent would read to a child. Surprisingly, this approach immersed me in the content and characters, and forced me to stay focused and thoughtfully reflect on how I was handling the current change in my life. As the story unfolded, I quickly identified with the characters and situations it presented as well as how I let some behaviors trap me recently. What I wanted(my cheese), where I was looking for it (in the maze) and who I was behaving like (a mouse or a little person) during my journey through change became important questions to answer…

Why Cheese and Who was I in the Story?

The story cleverly uses cheese as a metaphor for “what” we are pursuing in life and a maze  to symbolize “where” we are looking for it like in our relationships, our health or even in our careers. The cheese and maze together set the stage for two mice and two little-people who emerge and demonstrate different behaviors and mindsets when detecting and dealing with change:

• Sniff is a mouse that sniffs out change early.
• Scurry is a mouse who scurries into action quickly when faced with change.
• Hem is a little person who denies and resists change as he fears it will lead to something worse.
• Haw is a little person who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing leads to something better.

As I read the story and reflected on the characters, I could see over the last year that I had exhibited behaviors of each of them at times, but it was clear who I was acting the most like currently and who I needed to become going forward.

How Do I Approach Change?

Next, it challenged me to honestly assess how I detect, think about, and approach change as well as my ability to “read the handwriting on the wall” as the book describes it, during changes in my life:

• Change Happens – they keep moving the cheese.
• Anticipate Change – get ready for the cheese to move.
• Monitor Change – smell the cheese often so you know when it’s getting old.
• Adapt To Change – the quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese.
• Change – move with the change.
• Enjoy Change! – savor the adventure and enjoy the taste of new cheese!
• Be Ready To Change Quickly and Enjoy It Again and Again – they keep moving the cheese.

It took a mere 50 minutes to read this book and even though it wasn’t the first time, it felt like it. I had forgotten these basic principles when facing change and how it didn’t matter “who” moved “my cheese”, but rather, making sure I knew what “cheese” I really wanted, detecting whether it was still there, and having the courage to proactively look for new “cheese” if needed.  Lessons I could have learned from a mouse!

How about you?

• What is your cheese?
• Who are you in the story?
• How do you approach change?
• Are you reading the “handwriting on the wall” and acting accordingly?

P.s. – for those that think it’s to weird to read to yourself (I won’t tell anyone!), you can have the author read it to you on Audible.com for $12…it’s well worth it!