My family has a strong faith. We are active in the church and community, doing what we can to help those in need. This includes volunteering, donating clothes, leading fundraisers and supporting our local food pantry.

For some reason, one “opportunity” to help others always makes me feel uncomfortable. This involves being approached directly from those in need on our city streets asking for assistance. This happens locally and sometimes when we travel…like recently during our trip to Pittsburgh.

My Hesitation

Throughout my life, I have experienced a hesitation at times when approached by someone in need as I walked down the street. Various concerns race through my mind like will the money be used for alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, gambling or other perceived inappropriate uses. Admittedly, the perception that the person in need might “misuse the support” has prevented me from giving at times in the past. The internal conflict between wanting to help, but also wanting to direct “how my help gets used” caused confusion in my mind on the example I want to set for my children. Didn’t I want my children to help others in need? What was my behavior teaching them?

My Decision and Plan

This decision is very personal and by no means is the same for everyone but as a parent, I wanted to make sure my wife and I agreed on “the plan”. After much thought, we decided to separate the “desire to give” from the recipient’s choice on “how it will be used” as the basis for how we set an example for our children. We acknowledged that the unknown risk of “inappropriate use” was worth the chance it could really be used to help them. We focused on the goal of “helping” and on what we could control. In the event that we were asked for money specifically for things that we knew would harm them, we reserved the right to buy them food instead. If we felt our safety would be jeopardized, we also could choose to disengage. Otherwise, a request for help would be met with respect, empathy and love…not questions, judgement or fear. Even with this mindset though, I am always taken off guard, whether the recipient is standing or sitting on the sidewalk with a sign or as they approach me walking down the street. Recently, during our family trip to Pittsburgh to see the Steelers play, my decision to help others, follow the plan and “walk the talk” was again tested.

The Opportunity

Each year my family and I make our annual trip to Pittsburgh to see the Steelers play. We are truly blessed to be able to do this and am grateful every time we go. This year we had chosen a Sunday night game and therefore had all day Sunday to tailgate. The weather was perfect and we had stopped at a local grocery store for numerous snacks. Since it was Sunday, I decided to wear a new Steelers T-shirt (insert above) my wife had gotten me. It has a picture of a cross made up of the Steelers logo and the words:

“All I need today is a little bit of Steelers and a whole lot of Jesus” .

Several people noticed it that day and complemented me on it. I beamed with pride.

As my son Matthew and I threw the football in the parking lot while tailgating, I noticed a homeless person lingering around. We had our trunk open, the Sunday NFL ticket playing in the background and a smorgasbord of tailgating food displayed. As the homeless person came closer, you could see him searching our faces, trying to make eye contact and hoping to find someone that would help. As I observed him and the others nearby, many people simply looked away and pretended to be preoccupied with something as he approached. Eventually his eyes met mine and then I saw him look at my shirt. As he did this, I felt uncomfortable.

I knew what was about to happen. I wanted to help. So why did I feel uncomfortable? I wasn’t sure what he was going to ask me, but in general I knew it would be for help. As he walked across the parking lot towards me, my heart raced.

What was I going to say?

What was I going to do?

What behavior would I model for my son, my family and in front God?

Would I respond with love, fear or judgement?

The answers should’ve been easy. The answers should’ve been clear. But every time this happens I feel tested in what I say versus what I will do. Will I walk the talk echoed in my mind?

He humbly approached me, shoulders slumped, eyes downward and said:

“Sir, excuse me, I have not eaten in days, and I was wondering if you would make me a sandwich?”.

The Response

Everyone froze. I hesitated, squeezing the football firmly. All eyes, including my son’s, were on me.

Yes, the guy wearing a cross in the shape of a Steelers logo and a message that said “All I need today is a little bit of Steelers and a whole lot of Jesus “ on a Sunday hesitated! But why? He wasn’t asking for money. He simply wanted food! The test had begun…

It felt like minutes past, when if fact only milliseconds as he humbly waited for an answer. Suddenly the words: “Absolutely!” sprang from my mouth as if placed there by “someone” else. I quickly went to the front of the car and made a big sandwich. As I came to the back of the car, to my surprise, my wife and son had already pulled out a plate with chips, cookies and other snacks for him!  I handed it to him, making eye contact, smiling and shaking his hand. He thanked me and smiled. That was the last time I saw him that day and the last time I was approached during the trip. My son and I went back to throwing the football, watching the Steelers and eating…all blessings that were previously taken for granted.

The Lesson

We never spoke again about what happened that day but it stayed with me throughout our trip and to this day. It reminded me there are times when “what we say” versus “what we do” is tested in ways that are unexpected, sometimes in front of those we love and respect, but many times when no one is looking. Living our beliefs can sometimes be difficult, but choosing to be kind and genuinely helping others will always be the right choice whether with money, food, a smile or even letting them know they are “seen”.

The Steelers lost that weekend but the trip was unbelievably memorable not only because of the time spent with family but because of the lesson that I re-learned about my values, helping others and walking the talk.

What about you? How do you serve others? Do you walk the talk?