Being Authentic Builds Connection
My son and I visited my mom this past weekend just outside Cooperstown, NY. We spent most of the day outside, enjoying the weather, hiking and riding quads in the woods. As we traveled along a trail, something caught my eye. It was red and green and shined in the sunlight. After a closer look, we determined it was an amazing little insect about half the size of a dime and sitting on a tall blade of grass. It’s shape, colors and movements were unique and intoxicating. We found ourselves lost in watching it walk around on the blades of grass, clumsy in appearance but surefooted as it navigated the terrain…unaware of us and happy with just “being itself.”
It made me think about what people “see” when they meet me. Do I catch their eye with my words, actions and appearance? Do they see my authentic self or a facade I wear to hide my insecurities and fears?
This point was made again this past Friday on a call I had with a colleague. I had been given the name of another executive coach to share best practices, experiences and our journey as a coach. At the start of the call, I made the decision to enable my video so that she could hear AND see me. She agreed to do the same. This was the first step towards being authentic by letting us “see each other.” This paved the way for our discussion and helped to quickly build rapport. We talked, laughed and shared interests about dogs, coaching and to my surprise…our faith. You see, during our conversation I noticed a necklace with a beautiful cross… an outward sign only visible because we were on video. Although sometimes a sensitive topic, I decided to compliment her on the necklace and showed her my cross and necklace which was hidden beneath my shirt. Immediately, our connection grew stronger and the authenticity of our interaction deepened. We talked about our journey of faith, the parallels it has with caring for people as a coach, and not being afraid to be ourselves. In fact, each day as we interact with others, we have the opportunity to share many outward expressions that tell people who we really are. The more we are the authentic, the deeper the connections we build as coaches, parents, colleagues and people.
This all started with a simple decision to share our video during a phone call. The willingness to be “seen”, to be ourselves and to share our colors, shapes and values deepened the connection we made with one another. It proved, the more authentic we are, the more authentic others will likely be too…a lesson we can even learn from a marvelous little insect!
As my wife and I were coming back from a trip to my hometown this past weekend, a group of 20+ motorcycles came up behind us and passed. As they drove by, each bike roared that signature sound that make many dream: “That will be me someday”. Freedom. Unity. Harmony. Each bike was from the same manufacturer. Riders wore matching and embroidered leather jackets. Many had beards, tattoos and sunglasses. Some wore bike helmets while others let the wind blow in their hair. Swiftly they passed, focused on the road ahead. Close your eyes…can you hear it… can you feel it…. but most of all…can you see it? (If not, I had my wife take the attached picture)
Before I finish that thought, I have always been a fan of the British-American author, motivational speaker and organizational consultant Simon Sinek. His candor, insight, humor and direct delivery style always captures my attention. Plus he challenges my preconceptions of what a leader really is and makes me want to improve. I have watched his videos and TedTalks, and recently read his book “Start with Why”. In his book, he challenges leaders to inspire their customers and employees by defining their company mission first in terms of “why” they are in business not by “what” the business does. By defining why a company is in business first, he believes it inspires people and therefore builds deeper, longer lasting connections not only with customers but also employees. I’ll explain it this way…
In all 3 examples, Simon points out that he believes their success was linked to a mission that was first based on “why” the company is in business (to advance humankind, to fulfill dreams and to serve people) and NOT “what” the company did (make computers, bikes and offer the lowest prices). He calls this the “Golden Circle” and contends that when the mission starts with “why”, it inspires and can connect at a personal level with customers and employees that share those same beliefs. Their purchase of the product or acceptance of a job from a “why” based company can represent an outward expression of who they believe they are… and likely is congruent with their values. They may even subconsciously think “my purchase or job advances humankind, fulfills dreams and serves the community” but whether it does or doesn’t isn’t the point. In fact, the point is if a company’s purpose begins with “why” and aligns with the beliefs of their employees and customers, it can inspire them to become the best version of themselves and create a “cult like following” or in other words…a common culture to live by.
My family and I are returning from a week of vacation at the beach. The hotel we stayed at has many pools, beaches, water slides and activities as well as secluded quiet areas to read, reflect and relax…something for everyone.